Week 2. Day 3. Rethinking

Well yesterday saw me in the doldrums of depression, not really caring what I put in my mouth. And the cold rain falling made outdoor exercise quite impossible. Frustrations abounded!

But I've been having a rethink, trying to get my mind on board with my body. I know that part of my problem is that I NEED to have fresh, healthy food in the house at all times or I find it difficult to eat. I'll either give up and stuff my gob, or I will simply refrain from eating all together. Neither situation is ideal. OBVIOUSLY.

But for me, cooking during the day is not ideal. Dexter screams bloody murder if I go into the kitchen and lock the gate. He either wants to come in or me to come out. So anything that takes longer than a quick trip to the fridge or leaving a microwave going is pretty much off limits.

So I need things I can munch through the day (like carrot sticks or celery with cream cheese) as well as easy to put together salads. I often just have a tin of mackerel fillets, as they require only my fingers to pull the lid off and a fork to dig them out with. And since Dexter loves them, too, we just share one. Full of protein and low in fat and calories. Wahey!

But tinned mackerel is expensive (though I buy in bulk from Costco) and I don't want to get tired of it. So I try and limit myself to one tin a day. Sometimes two.

My biggest hurdle I guess is that whatever food we're dealing with, I feel like I shouldn't eat it too often or have too much. Even lettuce! If I didn't have a hang up about prolonging use, we wouldn't find our food going off so often. I mean, it's ridiculous! I'll buy a bag of salad, for instance. And I'll have a bowl of it. And then it won't necessarily fill me up, but I'll not have any more of it because I don't want it to be gone so quickly. So I leave it in the fridge, waiting at least a day (and often more because I'll want Mark to be able to have some), and then it goes off, and everything goes to hell.

My mentality toward food is generally really weird and messy. I NEED to sort that out. Surely it's better to eat all the salad I want than to have a BIT of salad and then fill up on crisps or chocolate.

I am a real dummy sometimes.

Anyway, getting my feelings about food out on paper (or in this blog as it were) is so helpful. It lets me see how stupid and weird I am.

I dunno. Forgive the stream of consciousness writing here. I just think that before I can properly change my eating and exercise habits, I need to change the way I THINK about food.  It's hard.

Argh. I need to eat something.

Week 2. Day 2. Unfocussed

Even after yesterday's realisation that I hadn't lost much weight after the first week, I still am finding it SO difficult to focus on the task at hand. Granted yesterday was a tricky day for reasons I won't go into here. Suffice to say that friendship stresses became overwhelming and my plans to go for a run in the evening were scuppered by paranoia (that ended up not being paranoia at all!) about leaving the house.

Anyway, now I am rethinking my whole process. A friend has suggested I try Slimming World, which I'd actually like to do. But I think Mark is kind of against me doing anything that costs money.

I don't really know what to do to be honest. I am kind of at the end of my tether with my body. I've spent so much of my adult life trying to lose weight. I just can't deal with being unhealthy any longer.

It doesn't help that I don't have a car anymore, which means I can't easily go for a fresh food shop. The farmer's market comes to town once a week, but their selection isn't that great, and frankly I would much rather go somewhere like Asda, where it is cheaper.

I love vegetables and salads and such, so sticking to a diet is no problem IF I have the food available. But when I know that it's not in the house and I have to go for a shop, I just give up.

I've thought about taking the pram and walking to Sainsbury's (a couple miles away), but frankly, it'd be no different than going to the corner shop, because the pram can't hold much, and I'd be limited in what I could take away!

This past weekend, I did think ahead a little bit. I made some homemade breakfast burritos which I froze for brekkie through the week. And I made some homemade protein bars, as well, which should be handy for workouts.

I'll post up recipes soon.

Anyway, for now, I am just kind of lost. I want to make good choices, but I'm also at a loss as to how to keep fresh food in the house at all times. I need to plan better. I need HELP! :(

Week Two. Day One. Measurements.

Weight: 183.0 lbs (-1lb)

Chest: 43.25 (-1.25 in)
Waist: 38.5 (-.5 in)
Hips: 43.25 (-.25 in)
Wrist: 6.5 (=)
Forearm: 10 (=)
Thigh: 26 (=)
Calf: 15.5 (=)

Week Two. Day One. Beginning Again.

Well, I’m not very impressed with myself. My whole week was really good up until Friday. My weekend saw absolute gluttony with no exercise apart from shopping. Really quite disappointed in myself, as the results speak volumes. Granted, I did lose some tiny bits in my measurements, but I only lost ONE POUND overall.

This week needs to see a real improvement in my mental state. I did go and buy a brand new sports bra at the weekend, which should mean a much better exercise form, so we will see if that helps improve my results for week 3.

Here we go!